When estrogen kicks in, that's when the change happens and self control become hard. Then the crazy cycle begins. The cycle that I want OUT of. I am watching a YouTube video about "The Angry Brain." I often wonder why I am so angry when I didn't used to be. It's because overtime, I have unknowingly made decisions that led me down this path. Once your brain learns a path, Tsade, it becomes default mode. I think this is how demons come in and strongholds form. Once that path is started, it's hard to retrain your brain to take a new path. The good news is, our brains can retrain themselves with exercise. It's called neuroplasticity or neurogenesis.
Little things set me off it seems and I just never know when I am going to be triggered. I often look at people and think they are such an angry person but really they aren't, it's their brain. We don't have to be stuck with an angry brain. I realized when I was angry at Candice just because I "thought" she might be late, I started picking things about her that made me angry. When I am in the moment, it's hard to recognize that the anger and the feelings that I am feeling are not real, they are made up, they don't really exist. There's actually no rational reason for it and that's the cycle I want to stop.
When I thought she was going to be late and I got upset, all it did was steal my joy. She wasn't even late and we got there on time. Everything that I thought and did was not necessary and it was based on not trusting. If I would have trusted Yahuah and that He has good planned for me, then I should have never gotten upset. I would have said,
"I know you have good planned for me and if this doesn't work out today because of circumstances out of my control, then I will not get upset, I will know that You have something better planned for me."
My brain reacts in a catastrophic way to everything. It doesn't matter if it's big or small, because that's what it has been trained to do.
When Yahuah said, "My people perish for lack of knowledge." I believe this is one reason why. We have the power to overcome all these things. We are told in Scripture that we are, "More than conquerors in Yahshua HaMashiach." It's not going to be an easy road to retrain my brain but this is the first step, acknowledgment. Once you start identifying these triggers, then you can start to stop them before they start or when they try to start and go a different direction with your thoughts. I do believe this is "taking our thoughts captive" like Scripture says.
With an angry brain, NON LIFE THREATENING situations make you angry. Really, if you stop and think about it, you should never be angry. Especially, when you are only getting angry about non life threatening things because it's not righteous.
There is righteous anger but it would never be considered righteous if you are just angry at someone because you thought they were going to be late in picking you up. That's a spirit of control.
I realize that Abba has been refining me and cleaning out my house for awhile now. Ever since He moved us here. I say things like, "You're killing me or I can't be around you." All these things are speaking death and it's not from the Father. I am literally speaking curses over who I say that to. This is one reason why He is refining me right now. Returning unto me a "Pure Lip."
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I am clean.
I think the most important thing to remember is, If you fight fire with fire, you are going to get burned,
because you have left no other option.
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