A Stone In Your Life

 12/4/2022

Have you ever had a stone you couldn't roll away in your life? Yah is already working out what you are worried about. Yah already has your miracle in motion, if you will take a step in faith. The women were going to the tomb early in the morning. They had no men with them. The taught ones were no where to be found. Instead of resenting who wasn't with them, they took a step in faith and went to the tomb, instead of looking around and saying where are all the men? 

"Instead of resenting who wasn't with them, they asked the question, "who will roll the stone away?" 

I was listening to a sermon this morning about Mark 16. The women going to the tomb. I just had this "knowing" when I heard him say that about resenting who was with them. That's what I have been doing and it's stealing my joy and causing bitterness to grow in me. I find myself saying alot, "Drew should be here and Drew should be doing this," and while that's true, that's resenting who's not with me. Then it steals my joy and starts playing in my head like a record. I look around and see what everyone else has, the fellowship that they have in their marriage and family, and I want it. It just plays in my head and then it steals any joy that came from the Father. It drowns out anything completely. It robs me of my blessings. It causes me to not be joyful and thankful for everything else that I do have. I feel like this is the stone that needs to be rolled away from my life. Instead of being resentful and bitter, looking around seeing who's not with me, I need to be looking up, knowing that it's Yah that's going to roll the stone away. On my journey, while I can walk in faith as the women did, knowing that when I arrive, the stone will already be rolled away. The way will have already been prepared for me. He sends His messengers before me to prepare the way. 

And see, there was a great earthquake, for a messenger of יהוה came down out of heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it. Mathew 28:2

In Jewish tradition, a teacher when he was about to teach, sat in a seat of authority. It was a seat above everyone else. This is why the messenger of Yah was sitting up high on the stone that he had rolled away. That Yah was working while they were walking. He's doing the same for us. We don't walk alone. He will go before us and never leave us nor forsake us as His Word says. I have come to learn that His Word will not come back null and void but will set out to accomplish what it was set to accomplish. 

This reminds me of when Brandon passed. The morning after his passing, very early, almost like it was with these women, an earthquake hit Plainville. We all said it was a messenger taking Brandon home. I don't remember exactly when it was but I think it was the day before he passed, we looked outside the hospital window and saw a cloud that looked like a messenger. It was hard to find any comfort or peace in all that but that helped. It gave us some comfort. It was a message from the Father letting us know that He was there and looking back, I felt His Presence the whole time. After Brandon passed we went out to eat at Golden Corral and it was $222 exactly which to me means messengers are with me. It was Thanksgiving Day that he passed, 2018. 

I know I have to stop resenting who's not with me and just enjoy my life and live it. Even if that means going on trips by myself or with the kids. I should just be thankful to be able to go. I don't want bitterness and anger to live in me, as well as resentment. I don't want to spend my life this way. I love him but I haven't given up on wanting to do all these things in life. It just feels like all we are ever going to do is watch TV and work. It's hard to not get caught up in it all and let it control your thoughts. Once my thoughts are controlled, then my joy starts to get stolen. You would think I would learn by now that Yah will leave me in a trial until I learn what I need to learn. Then I can move on. 

I think about the past alot and remember all the things we used to do. The resentment is getting so bad, that it's to the point that sometimes I can't even look at pictures or listen to a song. It makes me angry and frustrated and I just throw it down or turn it off. That's not what the Father wants for me. He doesn't want me to be constantly living in the past, remembering how things used to be. I cannot help what if others waste what was given to them but I don't want to do that. I am constantly torn about what to do. I know Drew needs a wife but he doesn't act like he really wants a wife. I just want to let this go and give it to Yah. He is the Elohim of the impossible and He is the only one that can do anything about my situation. A song came to my mind, Leave it all behind and come to the well. All who thirst will thirst no more. The world will try but it can never fill so leave it all behind and come to the well. I need to leave it with Yah and stop asking all the questions that weigh down my soul.